Don't you send me to vm
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
