Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
