im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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