Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
