I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
