i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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