I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
