Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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