I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
