So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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