Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize