Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
