I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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