In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
