i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
