I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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