So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i believe in u and ur pee
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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