Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
