Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
