I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
