Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
