moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this boner is exhausting
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
