It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
