He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
