If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
