I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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