Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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