Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
