I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
