Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
