Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
