I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
