Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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