What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
