if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
