Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
