3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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