pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
