Your tits are I can't wait for
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
