Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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