I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
