Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
