and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
