Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize