My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
