im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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