In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
