i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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