I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
