I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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