I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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