dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That accounts for only three of the penises
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
