I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
