Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
