Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
