he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
