All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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