Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
