I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
