and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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