last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
