Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
