At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
