Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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