Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
