I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
