i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
