started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
