Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
