sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
