getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
