So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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