I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize