My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
