U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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