At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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