is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
