what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
