is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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