u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
