hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
