just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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