he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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