what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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